because i love you
put your hand
on my heart
and feel what
i am thinking
darling, you could never disappoint me
.. but i admit that i feel a bit disappointed from time to time. but it's not because of you.
it's because of this whole situation. and the situation is the distance, once again.
and now it just feels like i'm complaining. but i'm really not. to be honest i'm happy.
but you know how it is. because it's the same for you.
and the reason that the situation sometimes disappoints me is because i feel that the time we get
with each other is not enough. it feels like we always miss each other.
i'm here when you're not and yeh, i hate that. and it's hard.
sometimes i don't even want to go out because i don't want to be away the hours we actually get.
and i hate that i feel like i'm in your way. even if you say i'm not. i hate that it feels like you're
forced to be around and talk to me instead of being out and having fun.
and i hate that i need you so much. i want you to do what makes you happy.
but i hate this, and at the same time i love it.
i fucking hate that i can't look at you when i want to, can't touch you when i want to,
can't kiss and cuddle you when i want to. the only thing i can do when i miss you is imagine you here.
and i just feel like thats not enough, and it's not supposed to be. because we're supposed to be close to each other, always.
and just forget this .. i just feel really down right now. and i can't get the words right.
and i just miss you. your hands. your body. your eyes. your voice. just you. ♥
destroy what destroys you
everything that happens in life right now affects me. dreams. thoughts. music i listen to. things i see. things i do. things other people do. and it's not just in a good way.
last night i had a dream about us. it started out perfect, we were happy. but it got worse.
i think we were at a pub somewhere, surrounded by your friends, when a girl suddenly came up to you and told you she'd had a great time with you a few nights before that and that she wanted you to call her if you ever wanted to have fun again. and i didn't know what to do or how to react. you didn't even get the chance to say anything before i walked out of there. i didn't say anything to you. and you didn't follow me. we both knew by then that that was the end of you and me ..
and yes, i know that it was just a bad dream. but i cant stop thinking about it. and that's why 'im weird sometimes, because of things like that. i'm always afraid that it actually will happen. even if i know that you'd never do anything like that to me, or anyone.
why hurt yourself when you can be in love?
i'm forever yours, faithfully
oh darling, let's be adventurers
during my shift last night i decided to go out on the balcony (for no special reason). so i did it.
and i sat there for a while. did nothing special really. i just sat there. breathing. thinking.
and it was nice, i needed it.
a lot of thoughts crossed my mind while i sat there. things like; i dont wanna live this worthless life.
or; i love this life, it couldn't have been more perfect. yeh, you get it.
the only thing i missed and could have needed more than anything was you. just your company.
and your hand, or your arm around me. you would have completed that (almost) perfect moment.
because that's what you do. you complete me. you complete the moments.
i don't even know how long i sat there. i could have been minutes, hours or even days
(obviously not, but you get it ..). it was like time didn't exist. it was like i didn't exist. and i loved it.
i felt like i could do anything.
and then i started crying. for probably a lot of reasons.
but right now i just dont know any of them.
and i wish i could have stayed there, in that moment forever, feeling like i didn't exist.
but i guess i had to come back to reality. because i need you, and i need you to exist. for me. for this.
what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm so fucking stupid.
find a heart that will love you at your worst and arms that will hold you at your weakest
.. and that would be right now.
i'm just gonna take a retard-pill and go sleep on the couch,
because right now this bed is too big and too empty for me.
it is the distance that makes life a little hard. two minds that once were close are now so many miles apart. i will not falter, though, i'll hold on till you're home, safely back where you belong and see how our love has grown
okay. i don't know what just happened. but my heart just started beating faster and i could feel the tears running down my face. what happened? to be honest i think i'm afraid. i think i'm afraid that things will change and no longer be as they used to. i think i'm afraid that one day i'll not be good enough for you anymore and you'll find someone better, someone you can be close to whenever you want to.
and i think i'm afraid that we're too different, that we don't want the same things in life,
that i'll be too boring for you and therefore be your second choise.
i don't even know why i'm afraid. and i definitely don't know why i'm thinking about this. i guess i'm just insecure. and i guess it depends on the distance, that i can't see your face, or hear your voice.
i'm afraid and insecure, but i do know i love you. and that i'll fight for us.
my mama told me when i was young: we are all born superstars
i fucking PWN
i did it! i did it! dont know how, but i did it!
and i was sooo sure i would fail it. i pwn. i fucking pwn.
you are the sunshine that makes my day
i'm watching criminal minds, doing some studying, drinking apple-water and wearing my new hat
(yes baby, i've bough a hat). thats my tuesday night. heh. my test is tomorrow at 10.30 and i'm
starting to get really nervous now. and i'm kinda sure i'm gonna fail it.
and right now i miss my baby.
my new baby: lilly of sweden ♥
fuck it. just fuck it.
i really can't find the motivation to study. and my test is on wednesday. yay.
instead of studying have i been cleaning the bathroom and kitchen
and taken care of all my laundry from earlier. i'm so gonna fail the test.
but do you know what? fuck it. just fuck it.
and now it's time for bed. goodnight.
i haven't said it yet, i'm falling
but you make me feel good when it hurts so bad
i'm so glad i've found you, i love being around you
why does everything has to be so damn hard all the time?
i hate this. i fucking hate this. daaaaamn.
fuck everything. fuck this. fuck it!
pictures of you, pictures of me
family above all. ♥
and nono, we're not retarded at all, heh.
one step closer to the world cup-gold!
watching important matches like this with my hockey-addicted family = ♥
Czech Republic vs. Sweden
2 - 5
Happieppi \o/
play it loud as fuck and dance to it
i've got shivers all over my body,
(because of swedens awesome goal)
and i feel like doing some serious dancing.
but if i do it right now im gonna faint.
been up since 7:30am and no food = not good.
but fuck it. just fuck it.
Czech Republic vs. Sweden
1 - 2
right now in the world cup semi-final.
"Alan, you know, one thing you sometimes forget is; no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices, how complex your ethical decisions, you always get to choose what you have for lunch."
i don't know much, to be honest, (big surprise, huh?)
but there's three things im absolutely sure of:
1. i've met person i know that i want to spend the rest of my life with,
2. i hate to be away from him and i miss him like hell every second, every day,
3. and if icould be someone else for just one day i would choose Alan Shore or Denny Crane in "Boston Legal".
- pretty awesome, huh?
it's you and me against the world
right now:
sitting alone at home, watching when happy mothers (and fathers) get to meet their babies for the first time on "one born every minute" at my laptop while some lame program about football, called "football is god" is on at the tv.
